Meet Ruthie Barakat-Grimaldi

The precocious child

She’s only fifteen, and astonishingly beautiful, and maybe a little bit spoiled by her adoptive dads, and everyone around her. She’s just been unceremoniously dumped because she won’t go all the way with her boyfriend when a new boy shows up on the first day of her senior year. He’s beautiful, too, and has a dreamy English accent, to boot. Ruthie thinks she could go all the way with this boy, if only he didn’t make her so crazy mad all the time.

Meet Elliott Banks

The mysterious exchange student

He’s English, and seems to hate the world and everyone in it. His brooding good looks and James Bond accent make him an immediate hit at the backwater high school where he’s landed, but he has eyes for Ruthie, the very young, very clever, and very beautiful girl who’s in his drama class, and is nearly as good at theatre as he is. But should he have such deep feelings for someone so young?

Brett Carmichael

The horrible ex-boyfriend

Due to a combination of athletics and stupidity, Brett is, at nearly nineteen, the oldest senior at Warren High School, and he broke up with Ruthie, the hottest girl at Warren High School, because she wouldn’t put out. But after dating her former best friend Amelia, he now wants Ruthie back, and isn’t going to put up with her dating some effeminate Englishman, especially because she really seems to be into him, in a way she never was in to Brett himself. No fuckin’ way.

Gordon Miranda

The gay friend

Gordon has been gay (but not out) for as long as anyone can remember, and teased for it for nearly as long. He has been loyal and steadfast to Ruthie since they were in Kindergarten, but now he seems to be in love with Elliott the Englishman, along with most of Warren High. Which might cause problems between him and his good friend Ruthie.

Amelia Shaw

The sad ex-best friend

She and Ruthie used to be inseparable, but when she had the chance to date BMOC Brett Carmichael, she took it, with the end result that she is no longer anyone’s best friend, or really anyone’s friend. Nothing good comes of dating Brett, and poor Amelia has to deal with the awful fallout alone.

Sex, Drama, and The Art of Boyfriending